the name game

The night had finally arrived – the Jet Set Red Carpet Film Party for VIFF.  The girls and I had been looking forward to this party for awhile as we had heard so many great things about the previous year’s party.  We also really didn’t know what to expect and were a little taken aback with the whole red carpet thing.  We’d never been to a party quite like this one before.  As much as we’d like to think we’re a big deal, we really aren’t, and as such, don’t get invited to fabulous soirees with red carpets and photographers.  In fact, the one party the Blonde and I had attended with a red carpet, paparazzi and major star attraction was in LA and after being let into the shindig , we were actually hunted down and asked to leave once they decided that we really weren’t “somebodies” even though we were on the list.  Apparently, too many A-listers had been invited and they couldn’t accommodate all of them without discarding some of the non-listers.  It was harsh.  Only in LA.

But I digress… back to reality and back to Vancouver.

The Blonde, the Russian and I were surprised to see the various displays of fashion that people were wearing.  Some ladies were actually in floor sweeping gowns, we suddenly felt like perhaps we should have pulled out our grad dresses circa 1998.  We certainly weren’t under-dressed, mind you.  We each had our own hot dresses and skirts on and blended in just fine, but I suddenly wished I had taken a few more chances and broken out some seriously fashionable ensemble.  Thank god I had opted for my ridiculously high patent booties rather than my boring black stilettos.  Some other notable mentions would be the woman who wore a fabulous 1940’s-esque dress and another wearing a stunning feather and veil headpiece.  The party truly was a fashionista’s dream.

We quickly rushed past the media board between shots, not pausing long enough for any pictures to be taken.  Or for someone to question what we were actually doing posing for pictures.

We grabbed some drinks and found a spot to observe.  The mix of people in attendance was fantastic.  There were geeky guys, svelte men, and rugged studs.  Perfect.  We weren’t standing around for long before someone grabbed my arm and said hello.  He wanted to introduce me to his tall friend, Paul.  Why is it that people instantly think that two tall people will instantly hit it off?  It is only one commonality.  It’s like that episode of Sex and the City where Stanford and Anthony are set up because they are both gay.  Obviously they are perfect for each other based on this one commonality, right?  Would you ever go up to someone with a big nose and say “Hey, my friend also has a huge nose, you guys should meet”?  I don’t think so.  I like all kinds of men, whether they are 5′8″ or 6′4″, it’s personality and chemistry that count… ok, good looks too.

After managing to politely disengage ourselves from the two men (and no, I was not attracted to tall Paul), we noticed a man standing near the bar with a couple of women.  He was right off the cover of a romance novel – tall, dark, rugged, with long hair pulled back in a ponytail and the broadest shoulders I’ve ever seen.  We immediately made up our own story on him.  His name had to be something like Lorenzo or Alfonso.  Just had to be.  He was definitely an aspiring soap opera star or perhaps a tango instructor.  We were determined to find out…

let me take your picture… nude

Yet another night out in Yaletown.  When will I ever learn my Yaletown lesson?  When will I ever realize that there are no quality men in Yaletown?  How many times have I told myself this?  Far too many to count.  I will likely never learn.  There is some peculiar draw to Y-town that I can’t explain.  Perhaps it’s that I keep hoping that this night will be different or I’m fearful that I’ll somehow miss something on the one night I choose a different neighbourhood to quench my thirst.  I am all about giving second chances… and third, fourth… Hmmm… I think I’m on to something here.  This would also explain why I tend to keep going back to the same assholes who I shouldn’t give the time of day.

This particular night in Yaletown was not unlike all the rest.  WT and I had ventured out of the apartment at the very last moment, not planning on going out at all that night.  Everyone knows that the best nights happen when there is no plan in place – when the decision to go out is made on a whim.  We put on our shorts (not too short) and heels – a walking pair of tall drinks of water.  We were grasping and holding tight onto the last few days of summer.  Almost time to put those shorts into storage until the sun returned in 10 months, but until then, we were going to milk it all we could.

Our first stop was, as always, Glowbal.  We arrived at a good point in the evening – the place was packed, yet it was still early enough in the evening that we had our whole nights ahead of us.  Our favourite bartender was on… you know the one… he goes by the name of Switch.  Always flirtatious, full of energy, very sexy.  We ordered our vodka waters from him and loitered around the bar.

As my eyes wandered around the restaurant, they inadvertently caught the eye of a very short man with wild hair.  Uh oh.  In the mind of men like this, making eye contact with a pretty girl is basically an invitation into their pants.  I quickly averted the eye gaze and prayed to all the different gods out there that he wouldn’t come over.  My karma just isn’t what it used to be though and soon enough I felt a hand on my arm.

There was no escaping this now without being ridiculously rude so I turned to face him.  He was shorter up close – the ends of his wild hair barely hitting my shoulders.  He introduced himself as Nico* with a thick Spanish accent.  Then he got right down to business:  he asked if he could take my picture… in the nude. 

the best kind of aphrodisiac

This Tale starts off where La La Land left off.  The Blonde and I had just made a dash for it.  Run for our lives, really.  Escaped a very dangerous situation where a very rich and powerful Parisian man had plied us with Cristal and promises of extravagant shopping trips.  Wouldn’t you have run?

In all honesty, I’m actually quite glad that we moved on because, you see, little did we know, we were going on to greener pastures.  Is that possible, you ask?  C’est vrai.

When we hopped into the speeding taxi we had just one place in mind – Teddy’s at the Roosevelt Hotel.  We had tried with a male friend to get in the previous night but couldn’t make it past the privileged velvet rope.  We thought we would have a better chance with just the two of us.  And if it didn’t work out, we were only an elevator ride away from our cozy beds upstairs.

As we walked up the stairs and through the lobby of the hotel, we were faced with four attractive young men loitering on the steps.  When we passed them, one spoke up and asked us if we wanted to go to Teddy’s with them.  Who knew it would be so easy?  Rather than run the risk of rejection with the door girl for a second night in a row, we gladly accepted the offer and hoped we could easily leave them once inside.

It was quickly apparent that these guys were ballers when we were whisked right through – kind of like we were in an episode of Entourage.  They were all film execs, movers and shakers – two were agents and two were executives at Paramount.  Pretty successful men for their ages which ranged from 22 to 28. But hey… we were in Hollywood… anything was possible.

To get inside the exclusive Teddy’s was enough to send us into near convulsions.  Luckily we kept our cool and just drank it all in… in one long long gulp.  The crowd was definitely skewed towards the younger spectrum but there were also some older (ie. mid 30’s) people in attendance.  There was so much going on, we couldn’t look at everything and we tried to keep our eyes from darting from corner to corner.

The boys bought us drinks and we settled into an easy and flirtatious conversation with them.  Neither of us were hugely attracted to any of them – I mean, they were very cute (one even strongly resembled Adrian Grenier) but young and a bit too clean cut for my liking.  This all made it much easier for the Blonde and I to carry on a conversation with them.  We weren’t trying to impress.  I think they liked it and pretty soon we were all laughing and trading stories like old friends.

But enough is enough and the rest of Teddy’s beckoned us. 

rooftop shenanigans and some famous faces

Preface:  I actually had another post all ready to go this morning but due to demand, I’ve been forced to write on my experiences this past Friday night and my run in with some of the Twilight cast.  It’s mind boggling how many hits this blog got just because I tweeted about Robert Pattinson and crew.  And some of the emails I’ve received really reveal how many sad sad people there are out there with too much time on their hands to obsess over people they’ve only ever seen in a movie.  One woman even asked me if  Robert looked awkward being out without the love of his life, Kristen.  Seriously?  I’ll try to refrain from comment on that one.  Hope you enjoy the story…

What was supposed to be a night of cruising from place to place, social function to social function, turned into one very long night at one very fabulous party.  I even ditched out on my brother’s birthday party.  Horrible sister?  Maybe.

The evening started with a glass of wine at Uva with the Blonde and another friend, Russian Girl.  It was our first time there and we weren’t disappointed.  The tiny bar is full of character and charm, it even had a fabulous trannie sitting at the bar.  I will be returning soon to sample some of the tapas.

After our quick catch up session, we grabbed our coats and walked the couple of blocks in our designer shoes to the Onni party at their latest project, Level, on Seymour Street.  I didn’t really have many expectations for the evening… I mean, I know the Onni crew can throw one mean party (they are Italian after all), but other than that, I was prepared to leave by 9:00 to make it to Kitsilano in time to have a few more drinks with my younger brother at Darby’s.  As soon as I walked up those red carpeted steps and the door man checked my name off the list, I knew that this party was going to be something else.

The scene on that rooftop terrace was more business mingler than raging nightclub at 7:00pm and we fit right in with our conservative clothes from the office.  But by conservative I don’t mean pin striped suit or buttoned up shirt, I mean black pencil skirts and killer heels.  We looked hot.  And I don’t mean to judge but those female bartenders and servers (escorts in disguise?) in their barely there short shorts and 5″ heels looked more trashy than sexy.  However, I am also a woman and a man would probably still do anything to get into their itty bitty thongs.  But I digress… back to more important matters…

We did a lap of the party – the first thing that anyone must do upon arrival to a party.  There were men everywhere.  And my favourite kind of men at that… men in suits – dashing men in suits and silver foxes.  Excellent.

We got our wine, grabbed a plate of food and found a spot to settle and chat, while subtly checking out our surroundings.  I had already spied at least 3 men I had had past “things” with, and 3 more that I had had my eye on for quite some time.  It was going to be a good night.

Russian Girl soon left as she had another commitment to make but the Blonde and I were in our element and were in it for the long haul.  I had already decided that I wasn’t going to my brother’s party.  He would understand.  Rooftop party, open bar, oysters.  He would do the same in my shoes.

We bumped into a friend of mine, M, and eased into a flirtatious back and forth.  He’s married but we’ve always had that flirty chemistry – it’s fun even if it can never go anywhere (should I say never?).  While we were chatting, I noticed a familiar looking tall, handsome, young man pass us by.  It was one of the Twilight guys – Kellan Lutz.  Now before I go on, let me clarify things… I’m not a big huge Twilight follower.  Sure, I saw the movie (months after it came out on DVD) and I read Lainey Gossip so I’m up on who’s who, but I’m not going to fall into a screaming and crying fit when I see one of them.  Having said all this, I was still pretty excited that he was there.  He’s hot.  Who doesn’t like a hot guy? Plus, any party with a celebrity or two in attendance instantly ups the cool factor.

I shared my sighting with the others and M asked me if I wanted to meet him.  I said “sure”, without too much enthusiasm.  One of the great things about M is that he has the ability to talk to and befriend anybody.  Guys love him.  He’s great at schmoozing and making people feel comfortable.  He made a move over to Kellan, who was now standing with Peter Facinelli (honestly, I only know who he is because I’ve seen Can’t Hardly Wait at least 20 times) and some young guy.  Unfortunately, my back was to the whole situation and the Blonde had to give me the play by play.

M came back, grabbed my hand and said “come with me”.  He took us over to the boys and introduced us to the pubert (Kellan and Peter were now engaged in conversation with a couple of girls).  The pubert’s name was Xavier.  Give him 10 years and that one’s going to be breaking a lot of hearts – especially if he keeps that English accent going.  M got the boys some beer and the other girls disappeared.  Kellan moved over to us and gave us a cheeky smile as he introduced himself.  That man’s smile will make any girl’s knees weak, I’m telling you.  And just how old is he?  I felt like quite the Puma as I tried to control my swoon.

We all chatted for awhile, about Vancouver, the paparazzi, the party, can can dancers and high kicks – a bunch of stuff.  Peter was being a bit quiet and on guard – which really wasn’t surprising as some crazy Twilight fan could have pounced at any moment, throwing the Blonde and I out of the way to sink their fangs into these attractive actors (Note to fans:  Actors.  Yes, they are only actors.  Not actually vampires.  Give your heads a shake).  They were after food, and once the Blonde and I pointed them in the direction of the sushi, they said their “Nice to meet you’s” and “We’ll see you laters” and took off across the rooftop.

So that was that. No time to even slip Kellan my card with a wink.  Or would that be tacky?

But wait a minute… what about Robert Pattinson, you ask?  The whole reason why you’re reading this blog post to begin with, right?  Patience, my friends… I’ll get there…

two grand don’t come for free

The first time I went to Rodney’s Oyster House in Yaletown was a memorable experience.  I was supposed to have drinks and appies with Judy, Brad and Bryce, but as always, I was too early.  I stood around awkwardly at the doorway for what seemed like an eternity.  I had put our names down for a table but the wait in that restaurant is usually ridiculous, it’s always hopping.

While I was waiting, I got the eerie sense that I was being watched.  He was sitting at 11:00 – grey haired (I’m not talking silver fox), sagging jowls, old man – with a couple of younger women.  Not of the gold-digging variety.

After staring at me intently for a couple of minutes, the old man started motioning for me to come over.  I just waved back, not in the mood to be wooed by an older gentleman.  Unfortunately, he wouldn’t take that as a dismissal.  Honestly, playing (or just being) hard to get only gets men excited.  He came over, introduced himself as Bill, and invited me to sit at his table until my friends arrived.

I hesitated.  But ultimately decided that I was in no danger (I am not speaking of the life threatening kind, merely of the cling on kind) and agreed to join his party for a glass of wine.  I had an easy exit once my posse turned up… right?

Bill introduced me to the girls, who looked to be in their early 30’s and were dressed like they had just left the office.  They immediately made me feel welcome and I was glad I had joined the table.  As we chatted I learned that the girls had their own company and a recently published book, and Bill was one of their mentors / advisers.  I was definitely interested in learning more as their line of work sounded interested, and was disappointed when my friends turned up less than 10 minutes later.

When I had thought earlier that the arrival of my friends would be an easy exit, I had thought wrong.  Bill insisted that they all join the table and that we all eat together… on him.  Hmmm… my bank balance wasn’t what I would like it to be and my friends were medical interns… tight purse strings all round.  We happily accepted the generous invitation.  Looking back, I should have known that Bill had ulterior motives.  He still couldn’t stop staring at me.

It was obvious that Bill had started drinking before his guests and he admitted that he had been at Rodney’s since the late afternoon a few hours earlier.  The more beer he drank, the closer he moved his stool to me and the closer his mouth got to my ear as he spoke.  Saying I was getting a little creeped out would be an understatement and I had more in store…

the freaks come out at night

It was a Saturday night and WT and I didn’t have much in the way of plans besides a work outing to the BC Lions game, a first for both of us.  Going to this game gave us further affirmation that we will never settle in the suburbs. Have you ever been to a Lions football game before? I think that the whole population of Mission and Chilliwack were in attendance. For reals. There were mullets (on men and women), tattoos (not the good kind) and hooligans. I thought I was at a monster truck show. We left after the second quarter, and after the draft beer and hot dogs (the real reason I went to the game), we were ready to hit the town.

After a quick change into jeans, tank top and heels (going semi-casual), glasses of champagne and red wine, and copious amounts of cheese, strawberries, cream and chocolate at my place (rowdy dinner party hosted by my roommate was in session), we made our first stop: Glowbal.

We had an action plan. We were determined to sit in one place for longer than 15 minutes. Could we do it?  We both suffer from a disease called Impatience and are unable to wait it out if we aren’t having a good time.  Time to fight the disease.

Glowbal was packed… we were seated on the blocks at the front of the restaurant and I have to say that it’s the best seat in the house. We could see everything. Including the fashion disasters walking in and out (once again, bubble dresses are not flattering, I don’t care if you are built like Kate Moss – just say no) and the eye candy milling around (not much talent present). No one was approaching us and our biggest entertainment was some dirty texting with an ex.

It was then that we got jinxed for the rest of the night.  I fully blame WT.  She just had to say, “not even the weirdos are coming over”.

Enter weirdo number one –